The Yankees, reviled team of multi-millionaire mercenaries. It's hard to find anything to like about this team. Their present day team is made of players I really could care less about and their litany of players over the last few decades isn't exactly stacked with players I love.
So as I got closer to making this post I thought about going in a few directions.
Option 1: Angry Tirade about Busts. I could just be spiteful and write about the many busts that they have acquired and spent massive amounts of dough on.
Exhibits A and B
While I certainly would have enjoyed Option 1, it also would have been a bit petty and it's not as if my team hasn't made its share of mistakes.
Option 2: Humorous Discussion of Failures. I could make fun of their penchant for spending a crap load of money on players who absolutely love the Roids.
Again, enjoyable but filled with spite and well I'm feeling generous today.
Option 3: Disqualified Favorites. I have liked a few Yankees over the years, but unfortunately I liked them a heck of a lot more when they played for other teams.
I really wanted to go in this direction, but it would have broken my rule of repeating players and I'm nothing if I'm not a man of integrity.
Option 4: The Swerve. Let's just say there are certain players I could go the rest of my life without hearing about again and I'd be very content.
So how does the "Swerve" work? It would start with a blustery, tear-filled write-up extolling the virtues of the Captain. Just as you settled in and started to believe that I really loved the Captain, I'd hit you with the venom! Bam! Swerve! The problem? I might have had a heart attack halfway through the post, as my arm spasms I accidentally click "Publish Post" and then the last thing anyone would ever read on I Heart Halos is a tribute to the Captain. (As an aside, when saying "the Captain", please do so in a tone of disdain.) For obvious reasons, I didn't want the legacy of this lil interweb site to be one of Jeter praise.
Option 5: The straightforward strategy. I was left with option 5 and decided to just go for it. I don't like the Yankees, but there was one player I always liked and I figured I could fill in the other 3 with a bit of effort.
Here's my attempt at Option 5. It stings a bit, but it's the classy thing to do. Don't be shocked if my system is unable to allow this post and it quickly devolves into a rant against Teixeira.
1. Don Mattingly
Donnie Baseball. His 1984 Topps card is still one of my favorite cards ever. It was hard to grow up in the 80s and not love Mattingly. It helped that the Yankees were not the evil empire at that point and instead were known more for ineptitude and managerial changes aka The Good Ol' Days.
2. Dave Winfield
A Hall-of-Famer who was partly responsible for Steinbrenner being removed from baseball for a couple of years. What's not to like? He later became a Halo and won Comeback Player of the Year, but was never really what most Angel fans were looking for.
3. Alfonso Soriano
He had a few really good years for the Yankees and I was beginning to dread seeing him come to the plate against the Halos. So shy do I like him so much? He was traded for A-Roid and I like that the Yankees traded a likable player for an absolute *insert your favorite derogatory word here*.
4. Hensley Meulens
I swear this isn't part two of "the Swerve" where I act civil for three players and then take this opportunity to slip in one of the MANY over-hyped, do nothing, quadruple A players like Bam Bam, Kevin Maas, Brien Taylor, Ruben Rivera, Pat Kelly, Drew Henson, Dan Pasqua, Shane Spencer...Oh wait, sorry where was I? Oh yeah, this wasn't part of a ingeniously orchestrated swerve.
I feel like I have to include Honorable Mentions since I've done it for every team so far.
He helped my fantasy team once.
I hear he's good with a guitar.
I'm gonna go take a shower now.
My Jim Kaat Statue
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